Journal #2
Before I kick-off, I feel it is important to introduce myself and share my story.
My name Billie Routledge and I am a Generator with a Sacral Authority. I am also a wife to an artist, Elliott Routledge and mother to two gorgeous kids in Sydney, Australia. Human Design came to me when I was in a place of stuckness. Juggling two young kids and freelance design business, I lost my way. This loss of identity as I leapt into motherhood was a big one. My struggle of trying to keep all the balls in the air as I tried to retain some normalcy of my old life vs navigating through this new scary one with a sidekick by my side struck me.
Reflecting, I realised I made many mistakes and took several wrong turns during this time, which lead me to feel more confused than ever. I couldn’t have been further from myself, honouring everyone’s needs (bar the kitchen sink), than my own. Every second word that came out of my mouth was coming from a place of frustration (my Not-Self theme), resentment and guilt. This negativity then manifested into my digestive system, acting up, weight fluctuating, and my lower back and hips giving in, leaving me with a lot of pain. I wasn’t sleeping well, but exercising every day to get the endorphins I required to get through the day. I was becoming undone but was too scared to realise it.
It wasn’t until I was gifted with a weekend away to a health retreat (game changer) where I started to reflect on where I was at in present time. What I realised was huge. Apart from being exhausted, what was bothering me was that I lost who I was, what I was passionate about and what excited me. I was confused and knew I had to push forward but didn’t know which direction to go. I needed guidance.
I began my self-exploration process, dabbling in Astrology, Tarot, RTT and the like, however, Human Design was something that piqued my interest. Listening to how other people have used this modality to enrich their lives, really resonated with me. I was desperate to find out more. When I had my life chart read, it was like I was starting from the beginning again—slowly piecing together my puzzle to discover my true nature. Who I was I before I became a daughter, a sister, a friend, a colleague, a wife and now a mum. Some parts of my self I recognised, while other parts took me by surprise. Traits I maybe knew about deep down or had always dreamed of showing, but didn’t have the confidence to share with the world.
Reflecting on my experience, Human Design has given me a voice. A platform to lean on, to experiment with, to guide me to the better version of myself. The version of myself that maybe others could see, but I couldn’t. Human Design provides me with the tools to help recognise when I fall back into old patterns and where to tap into to make wiser decisions. I am not perfect in any way, and it isn’t a modality that I can perfect straight away, but the little changes that Human Design has helped me make in my life, has to lead me to here. A place of excitement, a passionate feeling that leaves me smiling and a need to share this with my wider community.
When speaking with friends, peers and clients, I noticed that my story is a common one amongst us fellow women (and men). It is a story that needs unpacking, which leads me to my intention of exploring the ‘Not-Self themes in our lives. I would love to create a community where we all feel comfortable to share our own stories and help one another. If we can learn to operate authentically together, imagine the effect that would have on our children and beyond. Another passion of mine and something we will also explore here, the notion of conscious parenting.
I hope my story has some value to you.
Billie xx
