Journal #23
Reconnection – The act or result of restoring a connection.
I wasn't sure whether I should tell this story, as I am very much still at the beginning of my journey of exploration. But after some encouragement from a friend, and with everything going on, it feels like it might be the right time to share.
I, like most people, love a social event or friendly catch-up. Often over a nice wine and some delicious food. However, I had started noticing that even though it felt good and fun at the time, the aftermath always left me feeling tired and cloudy, which often led to a string of bad habits and a lack of motivation. I didn't feel good, yet as the weekends rolled by week after week, I would repeat the same vicious cycle.
My sister courageously decided to take a year off drinking in early October. Seeing how she operated during the silly season with no care in the world about what was happening around her, never once needing to justify her decision to try to please others, was truly inspiring. I think there is a lot of generational conditioning around social drinking and that need to fit in, which is why I have consistently failed these tasks. The FOMO you feel, or the social awkwardness you fear, takes precedence over the satisfied feeling you get not waking with yet another hangover. Which is crazy, right??
But this last year felt different. My relationship with alcohol and its social use was starting to change. My body was telling me it was time for a break. Rather than disconnecting from the craziness of life, I craved reconnection. Reconnection to self, to my energy, to my creativity, without all the outside noise and distraction. So on January 2, I started my sober curious journey with the intention to last until my birthday, March 18 or beyond, who knows.
Week 1 felt terrific. The surge of energy I had was one I hadn't felt in a while. I was sleeping better; my sinuses had cleared up, and I was starting to feel more like myself again. I remember calling my sister and asking her how long this feeling lasts. She was three months in on her journey. And she said it comes in an ebb and flow. Some weeks you feel good, but there are weeks where the frustrations of life, the tiredness of being a working parent, and the stress of deadlines creep back in, and you don't feel as good. But you learn to deal with those moments differently. Rather than washing those feelings away with a glass of Rose, you have other tricks up your sleeve. You go for a walk or have an early night. You vent to a friend or read a book. You learn different ways to nurture yourself in that moment of need.
So in week 2, the normalcy of life started. Work calls began. The stress of the next couple of months ahead was building. Then I pulled a ligament in my toe and ankle, and suddenly, I went from elation to feeling quite shit. I was drowning in self-pity. Yet, I noticed one thing: I did not think or crave having a drink. I was shocked. I swore that would be the clincher where I would fail, but I didn't. Instead, I listened to what my body needed and the self-awareness of what it didn't. And that felt bloody good.
Week 3 is where I am currently sitting. School holidays are almost over, and I am ready to return to work. Over the past couple of weeks, I have also noticed the influx of ideas I have. It is like my creativity has gone through an upgrade. My mind has switched on, and I am back to writing again. This is a game-changer. It feels less like a chore and more like a satisfying pleasure. I am a creative person, and I need an outlet. It is part of who I am and very much part of my authenticity. I hope to go deeper with this reconnection in the coming weeks. So will keep you posted.
I suppose I am sharing my experience not to preach about not drinking but more to explain the importance of connecting to self. Everyone has their journey and vices to work through, and for me, not drinking is one of the ways I have chosen to reconnect with my energy. As I mentioned, this is only the start of my journey, a tune-up of sorts. Without the cloudiness, it will bring a new sense of clarity. I hope to learn new things about myself and how I am energetically wired. Or perhaps I will rediscover who I have always been. That is the beauty of understanding your design on a deeper level. Being a Generator, I know I have access to consistent energy, especially when doing the work I love. So my intention for this year is to take better care of it and put it to good use. I want to experience things that bring more satisfaction (my energetic signature) than frustration. This feeling will be my inner gage to know when I am living according to my Energy Type, Strategy and Authority.
